When is the right time to begin your family and start having children? This is not a question that can be answered easily. There are a number of determining factors, including, but not limited to, the age (physical and emotional!) of the married couple, the financial condition, etc. The most important ingredient, though, is the relationship of the parents! Children need a united home, with both parents working in harmony.

Children are loaned to you for 18-20 years - they will grow up and leave home. Your job as a parent is to train them up in the way they should go

(Prov 22: 6) Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.) so that they can leave the nest and fly.

Mothers: Think about this. . . Working outside the home leaves the training to someone else! Don't be fooled by the world, quality time is 24 hours a day for at least those first seven years.

Titus 2: 4-5 "that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored."

Fathers: Consider ways to help your wife have an environment where she can be home with the children, i.e.: finances, security in you job, proper trimming of the budget.

(1 Tim 3: 4-5) "He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?);"

Children are a labor of love. It takes two to create them and it takes two to train them up.

Train them for God:

• Learning to mind (God's diligence in training the Israelites - OT)
  • Prov 4: 20 My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart
• Discipline (Prov. 13:24)
• Respect for parents means respect for God (Mat 15:4)
• Behavior in church .

Training them for adulthood:

• Learning independence (Prov 3:1)
• Building a strong character (Prov 22:6, Prov 19:13)
• Preparation for the "flight" (Prov 4:1-44:1 Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding, For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, Then he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live)

"Parents who fail to properly rear their children and end up with failed children, cannot in life overcome that failure." Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Children learn what they see. The relationship of the parents - is it God designed or world designed?

Children learn what they hear. Words out of your mouths - God's words? World's words?

Children learn by example. What is OK for Mom and Dad is OK for me!

• Manners
• Church attendance
• Honesty
• Ability to say, "I made a mistake", or, "I have sinned".
• Lack of self control
• Attitude toward God

Don't undermine your partner

• Mom, build up Dad
  • (Prov 19:26 He who assaults his father and drives his mother away Is a shameful and disgraceful son.)
• Dad, build up Mom

Teaching children to mind is right in the Lord's eyes

(Col 3:20-21- Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.) If your children can't mind you how will they ever mind God? Prov 1:8

Children learn through repetition

Children are moldable, just like clay. Some of them are easier to work with than others. Rising to meet challenges is part of parenting.

Time out for Mom and Dad. Set bedtime at a convenient hour for Mom and Dad. Children always want to stay up! No matter what time you set - they will want to stay up later!

Moms and Dads need privacy. Ladies, be sensible about the children sleeping in your room and with you. Teach your children to knock. Take time to have an evening out.

Remember, your relationship must be nurtured or it will die. Children are loaned to you. They will leave someday. When that happens you want something left - a good relationship with each other!!

BUT I'LL MAKE A MISTAKE!! You bet you will! Lots of them - no matter how much you read, or advice you receive - you will make some mistakes. To error is human, to forgive is divine. Learn to say, "I am sorry, we were wrong!".

Spank a child? Yes!

(Prov 13:24 NASB) He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently. (Prov 19:18)

Beat a child? Absolutely not!

True discipline and anger are not partners. Let a child sit and think while you cool down, the few minutes you wait are just as important to your child as they are to you.

As a parent you will say "NO" so much - look for opportunities to say "YES". You can say yes to the "not so earth shattering stuff" and hold your ground solid on the important issues, thus creating some sense of balance.

Stand united! It is Mom and Dad against the world - very literally!! Uphold each others decisions. Respect your partner and their decisions, then your children will grow up to respect you both.

What if you truly disagree? Uphold each other in front of the children or say that Mom and Dad have a difference of opinion on this and that you will talk about it later. This will teach the children that it is OK to disagree while maintaining your authority.

Raising children is a fight for life - THEIRS!

The following article on Family, is taken from Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary

A group of persons related by marriage and blood ties and generally living together in the same household. In the Western world, the family traditionally consists of a man and his wife and their children. In biblical times, however, the family units were often much larger than the primary family, especially if the man had more than one wife.

In the ancient world, the extended family could include any or all of the following relationships: the man and his wife or wives; his CONCUBINES or female slaves; his sons and unmarried daughters; the wives of the sons; grandchildren; aged parents and grandparents. Others living in the same home and considered as part of the family could include servants and their children and aliens, or strangers, who attached themselves to the family for a time before moving to another location.

The man making the decisions for the family was designated as "father," although he may not have been the oldest male in the group. These family groups, therefore, could be very large. When Jacob's "family" moved to Egypt from the Promised Land, he was accompanied by at least 66 people . (Gen 46:26)

God's Design for the Family. The concept of the family as the basic social unit reaches back into the CREATION account found in Gen 1-2. A man was to be the husband of one wife and was to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.

However, not everyone in the Old Testament measured up to God's ideal. Sometimes a man married more than one wife. Solomon is a prime example. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kin. 11:3). In addition, the family system of the Old Testament, with the man serving as the absolute ruling authority, discouraged a man from leaving his parents; he and his wife usually lived with his parents in the same dwelling.

After God created Adam, He declared, "It is not good that man should be alone" (Gen 2:18). Then He created woman and united the couple; and they became "one flesh" (Gen 2:24). Thus the family was designed by God to provide companionship for the various members of the family. In addition, the institution of marriage was approved and sanctioned by the Lord . (Matt. 19:4-6)

God's ideal for the family is that it be a harmonious unit, where love for God and neighbor are instilled into each member (Deut. 6:6-9). If the couple are divided, especially over religious beliefs, they can never have the harmony and sense of common purpose that God desires. Therefore, Old Testament believers were instructed not to marry foreigners who would hinder their faith and bring strife to the marriage (Ex. 34:13-16, Deut. 7:3-4). Likewise, the apostle Paul commanded the New Testament believers, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Cor. 6:14).

The Bible describes situations where a man went contrary to the will of God and married an unbeliever. A prime example is Solomon, who disobeyed God's commandment and married 700 wives (1 Kin. 3:3-15). The tragedy of the final years of his life is summarized in one sentence: "For it was so, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God, as was the heart of his father David" (1 Kin. 11:4). His wives and their gods caused Solomon to take his eyes off the living God.

From time to time in the history of the nation of Israel, the very existence of the country was threatened because of the breakdown of the home. The prophet Micah described the decayed situation of his day when he proclaimed: "Do not trust in a friend; do not put your confidence in a companion, guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your bosom. For son dishonors father, daughter rises against her mother, daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies are the men o his own house" (Mic. 7:5-6). Ezra took steps to remedy the family problems of his day (Ezra 9-10), and the prophet Malachi condemned the men of his generation for being faithless to the wives of their youth (Mal. 2:14-15).

The Exalted Position of the Father. The social structure described in the Old Testament is known as a "patriarchal" society. The word patriarchy means "the rule of the father."

The father commanded a high position in the family of Old Testament times; his word was law. In addition, the Hebrew word translated into English as husband actually means "lord," "master," "owner," or "possessor" (Gen. 18:12, Hos. 2:16). Because of his position, shared to some degree with his wife, a man expected to be treated as royalty by the rest of his family. The fifth commandment carries this idea of the importance of the parents one step further when it states, "Honor your father and your mother" (Ex. 20:12). The word honor often refers to one's response to God. In other words, this commandment suggests that the parents should receive a recognition similar to that given to God.

Along with the honor of the position as head of the family, the father was expected to assume certain responsibilites. These responsibilites can be classified into three categories: spiritual, social, and economic.

First of all, the father was responsible for the spiritual well-being of the family, as well as the individual members of the family. In the earliest ages, the father functioned as the priest of his family, sacrificing on their behalf (Gen. 12:8, Job 1:5). Later, when a priesthood was established in Israel and the layman no longer functioned at an altar, the father's spiritual role was redefined. He continued to be the religious leader in the home. This involved the training of the children in godliness (Ex 12:3, 26-27; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4).

Socially, the father's responsibility was to see that no one took advantage of any member of his family. Those who were not protected by a father were truly disadvantaged persons. The two most common categories of "fatherless" people were widows and orphans. Four specific duties of a father toward his son, as stated in the Jewish writings, were to have the son circumcised; to pass on his inheritance to his firstborn son; to find his son a wife; and to teach him a trade.

Economically, the father was to provide for the needs of the various members of his family. From time to time, however, a lazy person failed to provide for his family. Conscientious men sought to mock the lazy man, shaming him to do what was expected of him (Prov. 6: 6-11). The apostle Paul rebuked those who considered themselves Christian but who did not look after the needs o their families (1 Tim. 5:8).

From this background we can more fully appreciate God as the believer's Father. He knows all about His child, even numbering the hairs on his head (Mt. 10:30). He protects His child and rescues him when he gets into trouble (Is. 63:15-16). He teaches him the way that he should go (Hos. 11:1-3) and supplies all of his needs (Matt. 6:33). In turn, the Father expects honor from His child, although He does not always receive it (Mal. 1:6). Jesus sought to instill reverence and honor in the disciples when He taught them to pray: "Our Father in heaven" (Matt. 6:9-10).

The Clan. Each extended family was part of a larger group that was called a "clan." Often the male members of these clans numbered into the hundreds (Ezra 8:1-14). The members of the clan considered themselves to be relatives of the other members of the clan, because the members traced their lineage back to a common ancestor.

Each male member within the clan had one person designated as his go'el, or kinsman-redeemer. There were four specific tasks that the redeemer was to perform as his help was needed: (1) If his kinsman sold his property to pay his debts, the kinsman redeemed or bought back the property (Lev. 25:25; Ruth 4:1-6; Jer 32:6-15); (2) The person who was captured and enslaved or who sold himself into slavery had every right to expect his kinsman to redeem him and set him free (Lev. 25:47-49); (3) If a person died childless, the redeemer married the dead man's widow and raised up a son to carry on the family line and to honor the deceased person, in a custom known as LEVIRATE MARRIAGE (Deut. 25:5-10); (4) If the person was murdered, his redeemer tracked down the killer and evened the score. In these passages that describe this custom, go'el is translated as "avenger of blood" (Deut. 19:12).

The term kinsman-redeemer is used of God to express His intimate relationship with His people (Is. 41:14; 43:14; 44:24). He is their "next of kin" who ransoms them from bondage (Is. 43:1-3); He pays the price to set them free. Paul reminded the believers at Corinth that God had bought them at a price; therefore, they were to glorify God (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

The Family of God. Biblical writers used other analogies from the family to describe various aspects of the gospel. To be brought into God's family, the believer must be "born from above" or "born again" (Jn. 3:3-5). Because a person has God as his Father, he must realize that other believers are his "fathers," "mothers," "brothers," and "sisters" (1 Tim. 5:1-2). The body of believers known as the church are also referred to as the "household of God"(Eph. 2:19) and the "household of faith" (Gal 6:10). In addition, the concepts of ADOPTION and INHERITANCE are used to describe the position of believers in God's family (Gal. 4:5; 1 Pet 1:4).
(from Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary) (Copyright (C) 1986, Thomas Nelson Publishers)

1989 World Almanac pg. 806-807 Vital Statistics 12 Months of March 1987 - March 1988 marriages 2,397,000 divorces 1,167,000. That's almost every other marriage ends in divorce. One Full Calendar Year

Divorce rate more than doubled by percentage but this represents 1 divorce out of 2 marriages in the year 1987 vs. 1 divorce out of 5+ marriages in the year 1950.

"OUR ENDANGERED CHILDREN" - Vance Packard 1982

WORKING MOTHERS:

"Presently, at least one fourth of America's infants and toddlers under age three have mothers who hold down some sort of outside job; among all preschoolers, the mothers of almost half have jobs..."

MAJOR CAUSES FOR CHANGES (not wanting children):
Children are seen as obstacles to "fulfillment"
Children are seen as obstacles to a career
Children are seen an economic burden
Children are seen as impediments to marital happiness
Distasteful to become guilt-ridden full-time homemaker

DAY-CARE:

"In 1981, General Mills along with Louis Harris and Associates (well known opinion-sampling firm) interviewed 1503 adult family members. (teenagers, corporate personnel executives, labor leaders, leaders of the 'pro-family' movement, active feminists)

NOTE: All the groups except the feminists agreed that the trend toward both parents working outside the home has a negative effect on families. Even the working wives agreed.

ALSO: The main strain cited by the adult family members when the mother worked was 'lack of time with family/children, less time to see each other'.

"...child care has become an eleven-billion dollars industry... the cost of child care has become the third largest item in the family budget..."

SINGLE PARENT:

"Today more than one fifth of all the nation's children live in a one- parent household.,' page 259

UNVERIFIED:

"Less that seven percent of the families in America could be considered traditional family units where both natural parents live in the same house with their children, where the father is the primary bread-winner for the family's financial needs and where the mother stays home to provide a secure home for the children. Thirty years ago that percentage was closer to eighty five percent." Paul Harvey News

WORKING MOTHERS:

"Certainly, all things being equal, children would be better off with a cheerful, confident mother than with a depressed, anxious drudge. But all things are not really equal these days, As women are no longer willing to sacrifice their own well-being and take an unfair share of the burdens of child care, too often no one at all steps in to take full charge of the children. While they may not be left to starve or wander naked through the streets, nevertheless they are like to receive less care and supervision than they enjoyed with a stay-athome mother, wretched and unhappy though she may have been ... While they may survive, they are less likely ... to attain their optimal emotional growth and to reach maturity unscathed." pages 121-122

LIBERATING CHILDREN: "Here's a quote from the White House Conference on Children, Report to the President (1970): 'The real solution requires a fundamental change in the value commitment and the actions of the persons who control the public and private sector of our common life--parents, (pp.65-66) In other words, we may need a better alternative to parents. The report goes on to say: 'A day-care program that ministers to a child from six months to six years has over 8,000 hours to teach him values, fears, beliefs, and behaviors' (p.278). Whose values, fears, beliefs, and behaviors? Not God's" page 77

FATHERING:

"The initial point of attack is often directed at the father. In many cases fathers have succumbed and abandoned their God-given role. in his provocative book, The Castrated Family (Kansas City: Sheed Andrews and McMeel, Inc., 1977), Dr. Harold Voth of the Menninger Foundation present the following thesis (writing as a secular psychiatrist): if the husband and father is not clearly the head of the family, there can be nothing but chaos. He says the father is responsible for the structure and form of the home, for establishing family standards, character, direction, and strength. And if he does not do that, the family is ruined. Fathers are being tempted to divert themselves from their wives and children by pursuing their own desires, feeding their own egos." pages 74-75

DETACHED FAMILIES: "...In few houses can be found one room, the family room, in which the family are accustomed to assemble together to read some book, chat over the day's experiences, or play some game, in which all may join occasionally, the old as well as the young. To read to members of one's own family is voted slow, equally so is conversation; and games, fudgel they are not even thought of. Such is the idea of both old and young, and so successfully do parents carry out this idea that they separate themselves from their children, and soon the children from the home. Members of the same family are not accustomed to seek amusement together, or to seek each other's pleasure. Children are glad to be where parents cannot see them, and too often parents wish their children not to know too much about them. In short, there is no frankness and family confidence." pg.4 CIRCA March 21, 1880

DIVORCE:

"The ratio of divorces to marriages was in 1870 about 1 to 34; the report of the Census Bureau place it today at 1 to 12. This estimate is conservative, as shown by Prof. Walter F. Willcox in a letter appearing in THE TIMES of January 24 last, wherein he computed that "divorce now terminates not far from one tenth of all marriages in the United States." pg. 16 CIRCA May 30, 1909

OUTSIDE INTERVENTION:

"Meanwhile, family life is being murdered in the existing households. What used to be tasks of father and mother are delegated to the public school, Sunday school or other outside organizations." Dr. Young pg. 137 CIRCA October 26, 1925

HOMOSEXUALITY:

"Homosexuality is a sign of the family's failure to be what society needs it to be: a force for stability, the locus of affection, the place where children learn love, trust, and belief." Herbert Hendrin, M.D. pg. 315 CIRCA August 22, 1975

DOMESTIC PARTNERS: "Any couples who want to enter into the earthly state of partnership will now be allowed an official ceremony called "registration". They will sign a Declaration of Domestic Partnership. Once duly registered by the County Clerk or Notary Public, those partners who are also city employees will be eligible for some of the same benefits as married employees ... Americans live in a variety of relationships still so unacknowledged, so new, that we struggle to name them let alone structure them. Significant others? Roommates? Lovers? Now it's Domestic Partners. in small and uncertain experiments, the law is being pushed like a reluctant and dubious parent to catch up with love. Ah, love(!)." The Washington Post Writers Group, Nov. 1989

Child-rearing must be seen as God's business and children must be constantly reminded Who "runs" the house. When children misbehave, God must always be put forth as the One who has been wronged. This establishes a pattern for repentance and prayer which will be invaluable to your child as he/she grows into adulthood. ALL disobedience is sin against GOD!