THE WIND BENEATH HIS WINGS

You met and fell in love.

He took your breath away!

Your heart did cartwheels at the mention of his name.

You couldn’t wait to be with him.

You spent hours on yourself in preparation for your meeting.

He was the light of your life!

You got married.

Your breath was released in heavy sighs.

Your heart sometimes had to be jump started at the mention of His name!

You couldn’t wait for him to leave!

You wear the same old tired clothes every time he sees you.

He is a mere shadow of the light that gave your life brilliance.

Years have passed, now there are children, bills, stress, health issues, anger, resentment, frustration, continual arguing.

No more “dates”.

Conversations are reduced to kids, bills, and problems.

Everyone in the household is tired.

This is not the marriage God designed. It is not the life that faithful

Christians should have to endure. (Christians plural)

Where are the conversations about your dreams?

Where are the dates?

Where are sparkles and hi lights that make life beautiful and

Meaningful?

So what went wrong? And how do we make it better for him ….. and

Ultimately make it better for ourselves?

(Prov 14:1 NASB) The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

“The wind beneath his wings” is about our role and part in our husbands’ lives. It is about what we can do to help him.

An airplane is able to fly because of its thrust (power) and because of the currents of air that support it. Start thinking of your self as the current of air supporting your husbands’ wings… So that his natural thrust (desire to succeed) will have a surface on which to travel.

You chose your partner.

He has needs. It is your job to fill them!

We choose partners because we are not complete ourselves.

We think that our partners will fill our needs as well.

We must accept our responsibility in the marriage relationship whether or not our needs are met. A husbands life revolves around his work… A wifes life revolves around her husband.

God said “(Gen 2:20-22) And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. {21} So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. {22} And the LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib that He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

Our job is to be a “helper” to our husbands. That’s why we were created. It takes a woman to fill a mans needs.

(Prov 12:4 NASB) An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.

FILL HIS NEEDS!

Question: Is that what you did this past week? Did you look and try to find your husbands needs and do your best to fill them?

In our world, we grow up with an attitude that is very much “me” oriented. If it doesn’t suite you, or you don’t want to, or whatever…. It quickly isn’t your responsibility…

(Prov 27:18 NASB) He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit; And he who cares for his master will be honored.

Do you water your plants because they need it or because you feel like it?

God says” that you were created to be your husband’s helper… Does that mean that you do for him only those things that YOU want to do….. or does it mean that you do what he needs you to do?

(Phil 2:14 NKJV) Do all things without complaining and disputing,

Let’s talk about some needs that you might think that your husband has.

Food.. clothing.. clean home.. encouragement.. understanding.. well raised children.. stability..

As you can see different men have different needs.

Did you know that men need their ego stroked? (sense of self worth, ability, self esteem)

For some men, it’s a well-dressed pretty lady at their side.

Some one to show off.

Some men need to be the most powerful in their company and work environment.

Some men need to hear over and over again that they are the best….. at whatever.

All men need to hear that they are good providers.

All men need to hear that they are important.

All men need to hear that their loved ones are proud of them.

TELL HIM POSITIVE THINGS THAT MAKE HIM FEEL GOOD, 10 TIMES MORE OFTEN THAN SOMETHING THAT HURTS HIS FEELINGS.

(Prov 12:25 NASB) Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad.

Let’s examine what a lot of men hear….

And the wife says, “ I hate always being broke.”

“ Just once, I’d like to have someone wait on me!”

“You care about your work more than you

care about the kids and me.”

“ You make the dumbest decisions of any

one I know.”

Ladies, watch what you say and how you say it. Your tongue cuts like a knife even when you don’t mean for it to.

(Prov 29:20) Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

(Prov 18:8) The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, And they go down into the innermost parts of the body.

Mostly, we just get into the HABIT of saying things that hurt instead of up lift. Why? There is no gain in removing support and watching something you hold precious … crash and burn.

If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.

(Prov 19:13 NASB) A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.

(Prov 21:19 NASB) It is better to live in a desert land, Than with a contentious and vexing woman.

(Prov 25:24 NASB) It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Complain, Complain, Complain…. Oh what a joy this is to listen to!

And the woman says, “this stupid old roof, all it ever does

Is leak and look bad….I thought you promised me a year

Ago that it would be fixed!, Man, Johnny has been so bad

Today. He’s just like you…. Pulls stuff out… leaves it lay

And then I have to pick it up! I tell you, you think it’s easy

Being a wife, but you have no clue! While I was picking up after Johnny, Suzy let that flee bitten dog of yours in

And, well I don’t have to tell you how much hair he left all

Over the place…. And you expect a clean house and

Dinner on the table like I’m some sort of a maid or

Something. After the day I have had, you have the nerve

To tell me your pay check is short by $100.00! You just can’t do anything right, can you??? If it weren’t for me this whole place would fall apart!

And the man says” Are you ready to go out for a nice romantic evening? Not likely!

What is the man likely to say?

How much does he like being at home? Do you think he wants “hurry” home to his wife. How do you think he slept that night?

(Prov 15:1 NASB) A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

What if the wife had said” Hi, Honey, how was your day at work? Can I get you something cool to drink while you unwind for awhile? Me? I had a physically challenging day with the kids, you know, pick up after Johnny and try to convince Suzy to keep the dog outside. But all in all, the house is pretty tidy and dinner is on it’s way to a nice finish. Oh, I called three contractors about the roof for bids. I know money is a little tight, so I’m trying to see if I can trade out babysitting for repairs. What’s that? Your paycheck was 100.00 short? Well, Honey we will be ok. You always manage to provide for us just fine. Oh by the way, you know that extra payment I made on the car last month? Well, we will skip the payment this month and that should make the money come out fine… don’t you think?

And the man says” I don’t know what I would do with out you! And he means it! A helper, made especially to fill your husbands needs. What ever it takes……

(Prov 16:24 NASB) Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

When you “work at home” do you create a war zone? Or a sanctuary?

(Prov 17:1 NASB) Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it Than a house full of feasting with strife.

(Prov 17:14 NASB) The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. Learn to avoid topics of discussion that will probably ruin an evening….find a better time to discuss those topics.

Unruly Kids, noise, clutter, frowns, complaints, utter chaos… that’s not a sanctuary!

(Prov 31:11-12 NASB) The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. {12} She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.

Our example: Does your husband have something about you to brag about?

1) the way you cook

2) your care and raising of the children ( they are well behaved, clean and a joy for everyone to be around?)

3) your attention to the way you keep his home (not an immaculate uncomfortable shrine) but a clean and warm homey place.

4) The way you take care of yourself…health and looks

5) The way you care for others.

6) Your faith in God

When the guys sit around and badmouth their wives… What is your husband saying? Do not give the enemy an excuse… (1 Tim 5:14) Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;

And what are women always put down for? Nag, Nag, Nag!

Doesn’t do anything but spend money

Cares about the kids more than me.

Never has time for me.

Think about the “old complaints”concerning women . Don’t be a party to those things men already have trouble dealing with. Stand outside the average! Be better!

Husbands need attention. They need to know that they are loved.

Always remember that your children will grow up and leave your household some day. A wise woman will nurture her relationship with her husband so that when the children leave, she has a beautiful relationship to enjoy!

Nudge your husband into positive paths:

Encourage him to teach class to the children in the evening.

Ask bible questions of your husband. Give him a chance to research and answer.

Encourage him to get an education if he needs one.

Give him the ability to do what his work environment needs to succeed.

Be the gentle encouragement behind your husband to lead singing, pray, teach a class, preach.

Make it easy for him to attend church and be on time.

Be obedient. Sarah called him “lord” (Gen 18:12 NASB) And Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?"

You can not have two leaders in one household. He is the leader, you are the follower! God designed it that way.

There is tremendous design in all that God has created. He created marriage…He gave it design also.

Submission is one of those topics that women get tired of hearing about, and yet it is so vital to a good marriage!

(Titus 2:3-5 NASB) Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, {4} that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, {5} to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.

(Eph 5:22-24 NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. {23} For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. {24} Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

(Col 3:18 NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

I love my husband. Submission is a way that I can show him respect. If I respect him as my husband, and give him respect through my actions, then he is a leader. He may not be in the world, but at home he is, and that builds his confidence, and strokes his ego…… It also helps him to get to heaven. He is held accountable for how well he manages his household, I want to do my part to help him do the job that God assigned to him. That is love.

Submission makes my life better, and easier. I don’t have to make all the tough decisions, he does. I help, because my husband asks for my help and input. I will be held accountable for how well I followed my husbands instructions. The issue isn’t whether I’m smarter or he’s smarter, it’s whether I respect his God given position.

Submission is God’s law. He is the Creator. He knows best. Submission in a marriage is a very beautiful thing when both the man and the woman understand their part in God’s plan for us as life long partners.

(Eph 5:33 NKJV) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Here are some areas where submission is important.

In speaking to your husband.

In speaking to others about your husband.

How you behave in private and in public toward your husband.

How you conduct yourself in front of your children.

Who is the most important? The general who gives the order or the army who carries it out to success.

Pray ….. Be thankful for your husbands, their love, their care, their commitment.

When you respect your husband, and you are thankful for him, you’ll try harder to please him. Ask God to help you be your husbands support and uplift.

(Phil 4:8-9 NKJV) Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy; meditate on these things. {9} The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

So where’s the romance?

Answer these questions…..

When was the last time you sat quietly and

listened to your husband?

When was the last time you prepared his favorite meal.

Are you putting your small children to bed early enough to have “special time” with your Husband?

When was the last time you planned a date?

On his day off do you ever let him have a day off?

When was the last time you said “thank you” to him.

When you look at him, do your eyes sparkle?

Is there honey on your lips? (Prov 5:3 NASB) For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, And smoother than oil is her speech;

When was the last time you got dressed up just for your husband.( hey, little girl song)

How often in a day, do you say I love you?

Be a wise woman, be gentle, and kind and loving in your dealings with your husband.

(Col 3:23 NKJV) And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,

(1 Th 5:15 NKJV) See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.

Ladies, the romance, the appreciation, the love all begins with you!

Encourage him to be a deacon or an elder.

While deacon and elders wives don’t have perfect men for husbands, they do have the cream of the crop! Why? Because God is their leader. He teaches them, and holds them to be an example, of His living word. If your husband wants to serve the Lord in these capacities and he is an honest man…. Then God will train him to be a caring, loving husband.